There is a short story competition and I’m thinking of this as my entry. It has to be 600-2000 words (this is 1996…) and there has to be a black notebook. The other requirement is that someone needs to get $20,000. I’d LOVE to get some feedback on this story.
The courier van slid to a stop on the gravel in the trailer park. The driver looked around cautiously. Evening was giving way to night as the shadows lengthened around him. There were no external lights, and few shining from the trailers around his van.
“Gotta get it done, that’s the job,” he said to the steering wheel as he picked the package up from the floor between his seat and the passenger seat.
He took one last look around before bolting from the van and taking the four steps to the door of the dilapidated trailer in one leap. He quickly knocked on the door. Read More
“Go away!” he heard growled from inside.
“I have a package… I need a signature.”
“Didn’t order nothin’. Don’t need nothin’. Go away.”
“Sir,” he said, worry creeping into his voice, “I was told to give you fifty dollars if someone signed for this.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled bill.
“You shoulda led with that,” the man said, a bent cigarette dangling from his lip as he pulled open the door.
“This is for Lucinda Stevens,” the courier said.
“What if she ain’t here?”
“When will she be here?” the courier replied.
“I want my fifty bucks,” the man said, his voice low and threatening. He turned and looked back into the darkness behind him. “Luce, this asshole needs you to sign somethin’, but I get the fifty bucks. Git yer ass over here.”
A thin, bedraggled woman emerged from the darkness of the interior. She was the polar opposite of the man she slipped up behind. She was slight, like a forest nymph, where he was more like a troll that might live under a bridge.
“Yes?” she said, her voice soft.
“Can you sign this please?” the courier asked, holding out his clipboard.
She took the pen in her left hand and quickly jotted an elegant signature. The driver handed her the small package, but the man snatched it from the air between them.
The courier backed away, and quickly headed toward his van. He fired up the engine and spit gravel from the tires as he floored it to leave.
“So… what’s this, Luce?” the man asked, his tone accusatory, the threat of violence barely below the surface.
“I don’t know, Whit.”
He tore through the plastic envelope, spilling the contents onto the floor between them. A black, leather-bound notebook and an old flip-phone. Before Lucinda could pick anything up, Whit reached down and scooped up the former contents of the envelope into his large paw and walked into the kitchen.
“What do we have here?” he said, tossing everything onto the kitchen table.
He picked up the flip-phone. He flipped it open as the screen lit up. He pushed the buttons to see if there were any calls in the memory, but it was wiped clean. He dropped it back on the table. He turned his attention to the notebook.
Lucinda Stevens,
Wages and Stamps, Attorneys at Law, request your presence tomorrow at 9:00am. A car service will pick you up at 8:25am in order to make the appointment on time. Transportation is only available for you. If you have any questions, please use the provided phone to contact our office. Calls will be answered from that number only at any time of the day or night.
Regards,
Lyle Stamps
Whit looked at Lucinda, who’d been unable to read the entry on the first page of the book. “What the hell is this?” Whit asked her.
“Can I look at it?” she asked, her voice soft and demure. The last thing she wanted was for him to be upset.
He tossed the little black notebook down on the table. “Knock yourself out.”
She read over the note, then fanned through the rest of the notebook. Aside from the first page, it was completely blank. “I have no idea, Whit. I don’t know who those people are. I’ve never heard of them.”
Whit snatched the phone back up from the table and opened the notebook again. He dialed the number and held the phone to his ear as it rang. Lucinda, standing on the other side of the table, strained to hear.
“Yeah… this is Whit Stevens and I demand to know the meaning of this package you sent my wife,” his deep voice rumbled into the phone.
His eyes narrowed in response to whatever he heard. He glared at Lucinda as he continued to listen.
“And if she don’t?”
Whit turned away from her as he listened to the voice on the phone. When he turned back around, his mischievous grin held no joy. He closed the phone and tossed it back on the table next to the small, black notebook.
“I’m going out with the boys,” he said, turning and walking from the room without another word.
“What did they say, Whit? What is this about?” she called after him to no avail. She heard the front door slam as Whit left.
With nothing left to do, she read an old magazine in the failing light until it was too dark to read. Then she fell asleep on the lumpy old couch.
Lucinda woke up as unfiltered light streamed through the living room window, highlighting the squalor of the old trailer she shared with her husband. She looked at the wind-up clock on the mantel. 7:48. She walked down the hall to the bedroom. Whit was passed out on top of the covers, snoring loudly, his face smashed into the bed. She could smell the reek of cheap booze all the way from the doorway.
Lucinda slunk across the room to the broken-down dresser. She pulled out her nicest clothes, then slipped from the room to shower in the bathroom. She was in and out, plunging into the unheated water to get wet, turning it off to lather up, then quickly rinsing and drying off. She toweled her hair as well as she could, then quietly dressed.
Stepping into the living room, the clock indicated it was 8:23.
She picked up a jacket from the floor and walked out the door.
“Oh, the book… I wonder if I’ll need the book?” she asked herself as she went back in to retrieve it from the table. She was going to get the phone, too, but it was missing.
When she stepped back outside, there was a black limo waiting, the driver standing next to the back door.
“Mrs. Stevens?” he asked, his accent British, his voice friendly.
“Yes,” she answered as she stopped and looked at him.
“My name is Thompson. Are you ready to go?” he asked, opening the door to the shiny black car.
Lucinda smiled and slowly walked toward the car. She looked at Thompson. He wasn’t tall, only slightly taller than her five-foot-seven frame, but he was powerfully built with a broad chest and shoulders. He wasn’t classically handsome but had a strong jaw and cheerful eyes. Under one of his eyes was a jagged scar. If not for the softness of his eyes, which telegraphed sympathy and trust, she would have been scared to get into a car with him.
“Inside you will find a selection of pastries and beverages in case you’ve not had breakfast,” he said just before closing the door.
She looked around the back of the car. It wasn’t a long stretch limo, but there was plenty of room. In a cupholder was a cup of orange juice and in another, a cup of coffee. On the seat next to her was a box with bagels and various spreads, and doughnuts.
The partition rolled down between them. “If there is anything else you need, Mrs. Stevens, please do not hesitate to ask. We have plenty of time, so no worries.”
“Thank you, Mr. Thompson,” she replied.
“Just Thompson, Ma’am.”
She felt the car smoothly pull out of the tight confines of the trailer park. As it reached the road, it accelerated away.
She watched through the window as the car pulled to a stop inside a parking garage. They were downtown, she assumed under one of the big skyscrapers that she could see dotting the skyline from the playground near the trailer park. A moment later Thompson appeared at her door.
“Right this way, Mrs. Stevens?” he asked, holding her door.
He opened the door to the elevator lobby, an elevator awaiting her. As she entered the elevator, he waved a cardkey over a sensor and stepped back out, leaving her alone with her thoughts and her reflection. There weren’t even any buttons or a display to busy herself with as it whisked her away.
She glanced in the mirrors, seeing her reflection stare back at her. Her gray dress pants hung off her oddly, being a couple of sizes too big, but they were clean and had relatively few wrinkles. The white, silky blouse wasn’t as lucky. It had a couple of faded stains she pulled her jacket tighter to try to hide them.
As she pulled the jacket tighter, she saw how thin and pale her hands looked. Then she looked at the reflection of her face. Gaunt was the word that came to mind. She hadn’t gazed at her own reflection in months. The mirrors in the trailer were tarnished or broken.
“Just like me,” she said to her reflection, “tarnished or broken.”
She watched as a single tear escaped her eye and rolled down her face.
“What happened to me?” she asked her reflection.
You gave up, Luce, it replied.
The doors slid open and a man stood in front of her.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
“For what? I have no idea what this is about.”
“My name is Lyle Stamps. Please, follow me,” he said, leading her to a glass enclosed conference room. He pointed her to a seat.
“Do you have the black notebook?” he asked her after she sat down.
She slipped it from the pocket inside her jacket, laying it on the table in front of her.
“Turn to page three,” he instructed her.
As she did so, she saw there were several lines neatly handprinted that she was positive hadn’t been there the evening before.
Lucinda,
You have before you a choice:
-We can disburse to you $50,000 for you and your husband
Or
-We can disburse you $20,000 and you’ll never have to see him again or share it with him.
The choice is yours. Are you ready for a new life? You have five minutes to decide.
“Mr. Stamps, what’s the meaning of this?” she asked, but the room was empty, aside from her. She stood up and looked around. The glass windows had turned a semi-translucent green. She was completely alone. Lucinda walked to the door, but it was locked.
“Who are you? What is going on… I don’t understand?” she cried to the room.
She walked back to the notebook. Opening it up again, she saw that the next page was printed.
Lucinda, do you want to be free? This is your chance. You can do whatever you want to do.
Three minutes remaining.
Her head was spinning.
More text appeared on the page.
Or you can go back to your old life. Your choice.
One minute remaining.
A moment later she heard the door click. Mr. Stamps stepped through the door. He held two envelopes.
“When the timer hits zero, I put these away,” he said, putting a timer down in front of him. He then held both envelopes up.
She watched as the timer counted down. He stared at her blankly.
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
“Quickly, Mrs. Stevens,” the lawyer said.
Four.
Three.
She didn’t know what to do.
One.
She snatched one of the envelopes just before Stamps could put it away. Opening it, she saw the two neat bundles of ten thousand dollars each. She looked up to ask Mr. Stamps a question, but he was gone.
